A Minute for Parents

Summary

Learning to Be a Good Sport

Article

By JoAnn Hibbert Hamilton

“No one is born knowing how to be a good sport. We all have to learn it.” These are statements from The Unwritten Rules of Friendship by Natalie Madorsky Elman, Ph.D., and Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., Little, Brown & Co., New York.

These authors pointed out that children in preschool start learning that other children shriek if they snatch their toys. People continue learning and practicing the art of being a good sport even in adulthood when they congratulate a coworker on a promotion they wish they had gotten. “Being a good sport is a basic part of getting along with others” (Ibid.).

These authors suggest that you ask your child to think of three classmates who are well liked. Have them think about how these children act at school at recess, etc., and then rate them on the Good Sport Checklist. Then talk to your child about why people like being around someone who is a good sport (Ibid.). Here is the Good Sport Checklist:

Do they . . .
§Follow the rules of the game?
§Try their best?
§Listen to the adult in charge without arguing?
§Smile and talk to people in a friendly voice?
§Say only positive things about other players?
§Never accuse others of cheating?
§Listen to others’ ideas?
§Let others have a turn?
§Give in gracefully when things don’t go their way (i.e., no whining)?
§Act like team players—doing what’s best for the team, even if
its not what they want.
§Apologize sincerely when they’ve done something wrong?
§Keep cool when losing a game?
§Never quit in the middle of a game because they are losing?
§Congratulate the winners, without sulking, when they lose?
§Thank the losers for playing, without gloating, when they win?

You could practice these skills by playing board games at home. These authors say, “Don’t allow hour child to cheat or change the rules of the game, because other children won’t put up with this. Don’t deliberately play badly to let your child win, because your Short-Fused Child needs practice taking losing in stride. By nine years of age, your child should be able to win or lose graciously (Ibid.).

You might present problems to your child to solve. Here are examples and ideas you might find helpful:

A Bad Sport might say, “No way! That’s a stupid game.”

A Good Sport might reply, “Okay. Why don’t we play your game first; then we’ll try my game.” Or, “You’re the guest. You get to choose.”

Bad Sport: “It’s my house so I get to decide the rules, and I say that point counts!”

Good Sport: “I usually play that that point counts, but we can do it your way, if you want.”

Regardless of the outcome, good sports would say, “Good game.”

Bad sportsmanship often is reflected with anger and anger has a way of quickly escalating. It is easier to avoid anger than to take care of it. One of the best avoidance techniques for parents is to catch your child being good. These authors recommend a positive time spent each day or at least each week with your child.

Another suggestion is to plan ahead where conflict will come. Try to find ways to encourage cooperation.

Lastly, try to see explosive situations from the child’s side. Acknowledge his feelings and ask yourself, “What can I do to help my child calm down and behave appropriately?” The child just needs to learn better ways of reacting (Ibid.).